We at Whitelines, like many others, hate seeing where we’re going. It’s the bane of our life, constantly having to look at what’s in front of us when we could be looking at something way cooler. Who goes to the mountains to gaze upon them and bask in their glory? Grow up. It’s the 21st century my dudes, why are we still being forced to see what’s in front of us? Nature is the haggard old trollop that you’re forced to be nice to because you want to shag its mate and we hate it. Enough is enough.

Gogglepal is a nifty gadget that allows you to see everything. Well, not quite everything but some stuff. More stuff than those nerds wearing regular goggles anyway. Undisrupted visuals are for squares and we all know it. These things can even measure your speed as you’re riding so you can hit the optimum velocity- 69mph you sexy bastard. *Cue finger guns*.

“The link listed on their Instagram for their website directs you to free sex films”

Gogglepal has descended from the heavens and has singlehandedly managed to solve problems we didn’t even know that we had. We’ve often spun off the lip of a kicker and become so dizzy and befuddled that we couldn’t work out if we had done a 180 or a 720. That may or may not be due to a recurring inner ear infection but luckily for us, Gogglepal tracks your rotation. The only possible downside is there’ll be no more fake claiming that you’re landing clean 10’s so your chances of getting laid might decrease significantly.

Our personal favourite feature is the GPS tracker, so you’ll be able to live track the location of that hunny you stared at from across the room in the bar last night. Did you hit a kid tearing down the slopes because you were in hot pursuit? Yes, yes you did. Was it worth it? Well, she yelled “Stay back you creepazoid” but she couldn’t have been talking to you because who shouts that at a guy wearing Gogglepal? No one, that’s who.

“Health and safety can sniff our farts for all we care”

We did try and visit their webpage to get some more info but the link listed on their Instagram for their website directs you to free sex films. It doesn’t explicitly state if they can be streamed directly to your goggles as you’re riding but it’s probably available as an add-on package. Stay tuned on that one folks.

The possibilities are fucking endless and we can’t wait for the day we can rip down the slopes with our homies looking fresh to death and be able to tell instantly who got the most airtime on our tindys. Not sure about you but we watched Spy Kids in our youth and always wanted sunglasses like Juni, and now we’ve got goggles like him, dreams can come true! What a world we live in, gone are the days of unobstructed vision and conscientious riding. Health and safety can sniff our farts for all we care. Power to the people!! Vive la résistance!