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No Dogs Allowed

Thought snowboarding leashes were whack? You couldn’t be more wrong.

Have you ever wanted a dog, but your apartment building has a strict ‘No Pets’ policy? Then boy oh boy have we got good news for you! MdxOne is the innovative product that allows you to treat your human child like the roving canine you’ve always dreamed of.

“Just reel in the leash and force your kid to stay within earshot as you wax poetic about how snowboarding was so much cooler in your day”

Simply strap your young progeny into the backpack, clip on the retractable leash and hi ho Fido, away! When Junior starts building up speed, simply yank the leash and voila, they’ll be forced to a stop. For a truly ‘hands off’ approach, the leash even comes with a hook on the top to scoop up your small human after a fall, so you won’t even have to make direct contact with your skin/gloves/mittens.

*Not included: High Frequency whistle to be used in conjunction with leash for extra training.

Does your little Houdini keep racing away as soon as you start to tell anecdotes from your youth in the ‘Golden Era’ of snowboarding? Fear not, just reel in the leash and force your kid to stay within earshot as you wax poetic about how snowboarding was so much cooler in your day.

The handy kits come in blue, pink or red, to allow for easy identification of your little snow-covered bundle of joy. Unfortunately, as pictured above, the Red colourway has hit a few developmental glitches, and in rare instances can ultimately result in your child turning into a wooden fence post.

While not explicitly advertised in the marketing video, obviously another of the major benefits of MdxOne is to help to alleviate the embarrassment of having a child who’s shit at snowboarding. Despite having the gumption to give it a good old sporting try some children are just terrible at things.

“Another of the major benefits of MdxOne is to help to alleviate the embarrassment of having a child who’s shit at snowboarding”

Imagine you’re hanging with your steeze bros at the resort, you’ve all just chugged two energy drinks and you’re feeling pretty radical but it’s your turn to babysit your kid. Randy and CJ want shred some gnar on a black run, but your little weakling can’t keep up with the new wax job on your Burton Custom! Don’t panic, just use the MdxOne, that way the child has no choice but to stay with you. Whether they’re putting in their turns, or simply being dragged behind you like a kite on a windless day, you’re guaranteed not to lose them!

The product has been a source of hot debate on the internet, with staunch supporters advocating for and against the use of child-to-canine leashes. Some anti-leashers say it stunts emotional growth and encourages feral behaviour.

Scott Chegg, an MdxOne customer, spoke to us “Believe it or not, I used to be a child myself. My parents used to have me on leash every time I left the house, and now I’m ‘Head of Elephant Circumcision’ at my local wildlife park and a Level 84 Warlock, so yeah, I guess you could say I’m doing pretty well for myself. Don’t listen to the haters!”

Whichever side of the camp you fall into, surely we can all agree that the harness robs your sprog of the sacred rite of passage of catching their toe edge and experiencing their first major scorpion. Drop us a message and let us know your thoughts on the MdxOne…

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