Yesterday, on the evening of January 11th, television hit its peak for the year*. Four mad bastards appeared on BBC and kicked everything we presumed to know about snowboarding right in the genitals. For a bit of background info, University Challenge is a British TV show, hosted by alpha male Jeremy Paxman, where two teams of nerds from opposing universities compete against each other by answering questions to win points. Generally, the questions are more Homer’s Illiad than Halfpipe, but in a twist befitting the pure sphincter clench that’s already 2021, there was a bonus round dedicated to Olympic Snowboarding. (Terje- look away now buddy).
*We know, we know, it’s an incredibly early call but we really can’t see it getting much better than this.
“Full Pump? Nah. Too silly. High Board? Oh yes, bloody hell that’s it- High Board, final answer Jeremy”
These contestants could probably reel off Pi to 1000 digits, decipher ancient Sanskrit texts and list you every single person Henry VIII shagged in his life. Action sports aren’t their usual forte, but instead of choking under pressure these dorks came in all guns blazing to deliver a fat right hook to the very fabric of competitive snowboarding. You can almost see the cogs turning in their ginormous brains “Full Pump? Nah. Too silly. High Board? Oh yes, bloody hell that’s it- High Board, final answer Jeremy.”
Let’s be honest with ourselves, Big Air is a stupid name. These 21st Century Einstein’s said what we’ve all been too scared to admit- it sucks and High Board is better. That’s the truth and if you’ve got a problem with that you can take it up with team captain- ‘Triple Cork’ Taylor. He’d absolutely batter you, by the way.