Snowboarding In 2016 – Our Predictions

We run a goggle wipe over the Whitelines crystal ball

No matter what astrologists, tea leaves and Chinese biscuits might say, predicting the future is never easy – and that’s as true of snowboarding as anything else.

The past year was full of stuff that not even Mystic Meg saw coming; who could have guessed that there’d be a quad arms race, that Shaun White would make a comeback, or that floppy wizard hats would be the barnet of choice?

It’s always fun to have a guess at what’ll be big in the coming year, and last year we actually got one of them right; pyjama bottoms in park edits was an actual thing in 2015 – a terrible, terrible thing.

Frankly, anything’s possible – and with that in mind, here’s what we might see in the year to come:


#1. Max Parrot Training At NASA


After being narrowly pipped to the post in the race for the four-dip by our own Billy Morgan, we fully expect Max Parrot to step things up in 2016. Anyone who saw him win the Beijing Air & Style with flawless triples knows that he’s already on a mission – but why would he stop there?

With the right call to the right people, Max could reach a new level of spinny-flippy mastery by jumping in the centrifuge at the Ames Research Facility in California and really feeling those G’s.

Yes, he’s Canadian, but until someone cracks the process for converting maple syrup into high-combustion biofuel, we assume he’ll be better off over the border.

#2. Weaponised Selfie Drones

“This is my drone – there are many like it, but this one is mine”

With the likes of the Airdog and Hexo+, the age of the auto-filming drone is almost upon us. Xavier De Le Rue is even shooting the whole of his next movie with one.

Their increase in popularity – combined with the world’s continuing selfie obsession – presents a problem. The only way for the big dogs to ensure that their drones have clear airspace to get that all-important shot will be to fit them out with AIM-132 ASRAAMs, capable of taking down any rival drones that get in the way.

Expect heads-up display goggles to have a ‘number of kills’ feature, and for helmets to look more and more like something out of Top Gun.

#3. Travis Rice Going Full Axl Rose

Could The Fourth Phase be snowboarding’s Chinese Democracy?

As excited as we were about the trailer for The Fourth Phase, it’s still a long way away – and with expectation for the follow-up to the Art Of Flight threatening to reach fever pitch, can Travis Rice keep his cool?

Don’t be surprised if 2016 sees him sacking the rest of the crew, tinkering endlessly with the movie, bankrupting Red Bull, and generally disappearing into a cavern of eccentricity from which he’ll never fully emerge.

The Fourth PhaseComing in 2029…

#4. Burton’s Collaboration With Shia LeBeouf

“Hey Jamie Anderson – DO IT!!!”

From children’s cartoon characters to the world of high fashion, the big B has a history of teaming up with just about anybody. The logical next step is for them to embark on a project with Shia LeBeouf, as he continues his transformation from movie star to dribbling art-mentalist.

Possible output could include paper-bag balaclavas, and a snowboard graphic that turns out to be a direct rip-off of someone else’s design (for which he could apologise by pissing “I’M SORRY” in the snow). Or maybe he’ll use the collab as an excuse to continue his performance art, answering phones from a desk in the middle of the US Open halfpipe.

#5. David Cameron Learning Eurocarves

“If anyone’s going to carve up Europe, it’s going to be me!” – Dave gets his right wing down in practice

With all its ongoing problems, making a strong case for Britain staying in the EU could be the biggest job that the PM will face in 2016. He could do a lot worse than getting his elbow down on some fresh corduroy and showcasing the very best of what Europe has to offer.

After all, it’s so hot right now, and will leave Nigel Farage looking like a right punter. The in-out referendum will be in the bag – plus he might really take to it, thus giving him a better hobby than pretending to like football.

#6. Snowboard Movie Voiceovers Replaced By Emojis

UPDATE: Nailed it.

Realising that there’s literally no more ways to say “snowboarding is more than a sport” or “you know, there’s no better feeling than being out in the mountains with your friends“, the snowboard industry as a whole will surely retire the ubiquitous chin-strokey voiceover track.

In their place, we’ll just see some appropriate emojis popping up over the footage – after all, who even has the sound on for videos these days?


Any we missed? Let us know your predictions for 2016 in the comments below


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