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The Isolation Station | Make the most of your Quarantine

Our guide to keeping busy and using this weird time effectively

It’s a pretty crazy world right now. We’re living in completely unprecedented times and things are getting more abstract by the day. Social distancing can be a bit of a bummer, but it’s what’s needed right now to drop kick this Corona motherfucker. As much as you’d like to be picnicking in the park, nibbling on vol-au-vents and making the most of the warm spring weather by sunbathing in your budgie smugglers, don’t be a twat- stay indoors.

“Don’t be a twat- stay indoors”

We don’t know about you but we’re already sick to the back teeth of talking to our wives/kids/boyfriends/mistresses so we’ve been working on ways to stay busy while we’re quarantined with them. Obviously, snowboarding is off the cards right now, but there’s a myriad of things we can be doing to get ourselves sorted for next season.

Gear Porn.

There are many, many, many genres of pornography on the internet. For real, you can find anything if you look hard enough. At Whitelines our speciality is snowboard gear based content (and feet but that’s a story for a different day). Check out our Buyers Guide for your fix. Enjoy responsibly, and don’t use too many tissues- you’ve got to ration that shit you know.

Check your balance.

Balance boards are a nifty way to keep up with your training while you’re stuck inside. Work on your balance, leg strength, agility, coordination and core strength all from the comfort of your living room. We rate Indo Boards and you can pick them up from Surfdome here.

“Work on your balance, leg strength, agility, coordination and core strength”

Wax on, wax off.

Get your board ready for the winter by giving it a service. Now’s the time to supercharge your sintered base ready to make everyone eat your dust come winter. If nothing else, you might be able to get high by inhaling the fumes and leave this fucked up reality behind for a minute or two of sweet release. Check out our handy guide here to snowboard servicing here…

Pro Tip: Snort lines of crushed up wax to get loopy

Watch and Learn.

We can’t go riding, but we can sit on our sofa and watch videos of other people snowboarding, which is just as fun, right? Ok, so maybe not quite as fun but it’s all we got right now so suck it up buddy. There’s hundreds of rad movies out there to soak up and if you concentrate reeeeeallly hard, you’ll surely get a little bit better. We’re currently running the Snowboard Movie World Cup to answer the questions on everyone’s lips-what is the greatest snowboard movie of all time? We’re getting to the bottom of it and bringing you the definitive answer. Jump here for more details…

“We can’t go riding, but we can sit on our sofa and watch videos of other people snowboarding, which is just as fun, right?”

Read. Reid. Reed?

Who fuckin knows. Anyhow, we released Whitelines Issue 121 last year, and if you haven’t already read it then you’re missing out. Curated by our editor-at-large Ed Blomfield, Issue 121 is stacked with over 240 pages of exclusive interviews, blockbuster photographs and written content from the very best in the game. Available from Surfdome.

Whitelines Issue 121.

Get sucked down a Youtube hole.

Our highland flinger Rob is on lockdown in France, and he’s documenting his experiences through a new webseries ‘QuaranTignes‘. Besides getting to enjoy one of the best puns of 2020, you’ll get an insight into lockdown life, new sofa snowboard reviews and handy masturbation tips and tricks. Warning: You’re likely to become mesmerised by his dulcet tones and beautiful coiffured mop after a minute or so, so make sure you avert your eyes every 15-18 seconds.

“You’ll get an insight into lockdown life, new sofa snowboard reviews and handy masturbation tips and tricks”

Yoga.

Ok, this one is a bit of a stretch. You’ve gotta have a pretty flexible schedule to fit it in but you can do it intermittently, there’s no need to bend over backwards to do it everyday. We get the hesitation, a lot of yoga fanatics are just posers, but not all of them, yoga-ta give it a chance. Okay, that was dreadful, I’m done. Check out these handy yoga videos. Namaste.

Yoga Move #420: The Foot Dick

Plan your next trip.

You’re stuck at home, you’ve done everything else on the list, you’ve run out of tissues and your wife has limited your Pornhub time to 30 mins per day, what the fuck are you gonna do now? Easy- plan your trip for next season. Use this downtime to make it an absolute doozy. You may lambaste us for this one as it might invoke some residual jealousy but if you need some inspiration you can read our travel log for Whistler Blackcomb to get your creative juices flowing.

“You’ve run out of tissues and your wife has limited your Pornhub time to 30 mins per day, what the fuck are you gonna do now?”

Role play.

Not in a sexy way. Actually, make it sexy if you want to make it sexy, who are we to judge, we spent 3 hours yesterday recreating the music video for Genie in a bottle by Christina Aguilera. Grab your snowboard gear from the attic and play dress up, coat your stairs in salt/dandruff/flour and pretend you’re on a mountain. Just don’t break your neck or anything.

We’ll add to the list as we get progressively more bored and decidedly less sane. Wash your hands, stay safe.

 

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