SKOLF Finals 2019

Bigger than if the Olympics had a baby with the US Open, it's SKOLF.

What the goshing heck is SKOLF we hear you cry? We know it sounds like an airborne virus from the northernmost tip of Norway but it’s not… we think. Toyota Prius, Zeedonk, Heelys and SKOLF- what do these things have in common? They are the greatest hybrids the world has ever seen.

“It blends the grandeur and elegance of skating with the downright punk rock attitude of golf”

Just the mere mention of SKOLF sets nipples tingling the world over, but what actually is it? SKOLF is the beautiful lovechild of S-K-A-T-E and golf,  it blends the grandeur and elegance of skating with the downright punk rock attitude of golf. SKOLF is thought to have originated in 1664, but was most recently re-popularised by Airblaster. Rumour has it the idea came to them in an out of body experience after drinking 17 red bulls in a row. Skolfers attempt a series of tricks over a number of features, or ‘holes’, each of which have a set par. The aim of the game is to ride away with as few points as possible.

It has long been said SKOLF is a more prestigious event than the X Games and the Olympics rolled into one, and rumour has it that winning gains you an invite to the Level 34 Grand Warlock of Scientology’s birthday bash. Not just anyone can compete in SKOLF, it’s harder to get into than the bi-annual Illuminati pool party. Some guy called Shaun White reached out to us and said that apparently he’s “won a butt load of medals”, and he’s still desperately scrounging for a SKOLF invite each year but is yet to receive his summons.

“SKOLF… It’s like if you mixed cage fighting with chess”

This year the finals were held in Brighton resort in Utah, and from start to finish they were packed to the nips with action. As day broke the fans packed out the stadium to the rafters and the athletes began their intense warm up procedures, the sun even poked her pretty little head out as the athletes were limbering up. Previous winner Spencer Schubert has been quoted as saying “SKOLF requires a greater level of fitness than anything else on the planet, both physical and mental, it’s like if you mixed cage fighting with chess”.

Hosted by 17 time Oscar nominee Stanley J. Leveille, aka ‘The Man with the Golden Voice’, the event was once again a raging success. Nora Beck tied for points with Madison Blackley, but pipped her to the post when she annihilated the GDon Challenge tie breaker and Naima Antolin rounded up the ladies podium in 3rd place. For the gents, Phil ‘Nutrash’ Hansen shot through to first place, followed by Zeb Powell and a big mish mash of riders tied for 3rd place.

There we have it folks, SKOLF. The game of paupers and pharaohs alike, the event that bewitches the globe, the stuff dreams are made of.

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