After dangerously windy conditions led to the early cancellation of the Innsbruck Air & Style, staff at the upcoming Los Angeles stop have arranged an animal sacrifice ritual for the eve of the event.
According to logistics supervisor Terence Hannan, the decision to employ such drastic measures in order to placate all-powerful deities wasn’t taken lightly.
“Our first idea was to ask Max Parrot not to do any more 1800s, as we’re fairly sure that’s what they’re angry about,” Hannan told the press. “However, he’s refused, so this is Plan B. Plus we’ll already have the music stage set up, so it’ll be a chance to make sure the light and sound is in good working order”.
“The main event will be the slaughter of one hundred cattle in the style of an Ancient Greek ‘hecatomb’, but we’ll also arranged a Hindu ‘ashvamedha’ horse sacrifice just in case. Plus Jamie Anderson has promised to kill something in the time-honoured traditions of the #tahoetribe.”
“If all else fails, we’ll stick the guy from Incubus in a Wicker Man.”
Meanwhile a source close to the gods suggested that the ritual won’t do any good, adding that they don’t even follow the contest circuit and prefer watching the Yawgoons.