Greasy Tony. That’s his name and he’s still at large. We caught him on CCTV just the other day leaving supplies for his brothers in arms! Not only that but you can clearly see him leaving exposed IEDs (Improvised Explosive Devices) ready to blow a torrent of shit clothing all over the nearest skier. We are dire times here people. If you see him DO NOT ATTEMPT TO ARREST HIM. He is a dangerous man. One look at his bumbag in natural light and you’ll be in a coma for weeks. I won’t even get started on his purple patches.

Guantanamo Bay was built for people like this.

Photo: Rex Maidwell