Q: What happens when you get a load of opinionated, spoilt, annoying, famous, infamous, legendary, idiotic, young, old, in-between, serious, engaging, stupid and sometimes funny snowboarders in a room full of snowboarding shots and add a load of beer?
A: The second annual Whitelines Slideshow Night.
Location: Factory Media Offices, Smithfield, London.
Time: Thursday 11th of December 2008. Kick off: 18:30.
Slidemasters: Ed Blomfield, Chris Moran.
Hamish Duncan, 27
Umbrella entrepreneur, style nazi and ex-pro snowboarder. Severe Napolean complex. Has been known to bite.
Ed Leigh, 32
Ski Sunday presenter, ex-editor of Whitelines, snowboarding legend and owner of a PhD in bullshitting.
Johno Verity, 30
Pro snowboarder, BBC cameraman, film-maker. Has been described as a stuttering Hugh Grant meets 118-118 twin.
Nick Butterfield, 27(?)
Whitelines designer, boy racer, dietician. Owner of the gayest fixed gear bicycle in East London.
Tom Knox, 17
London-based snowboarder/skater and current U16 British Snowboard Champion. Sponsored by SS20, Santa Cruz, Vans, Analog, and Shiner.
Sparrow Knox, 14
One of the most talented British hopefuls for the future. Total style master and cheeky whippersnapper. Completely addicted to Haribo and Family Guy.
Chris Moran, 35
Dictaphone owner, slideshow marshal.
Marcus Chapman, 29
Ex-pro snowboarder and former editor of SUK. Owner of a quick wit and an array of flat caps.
Ed Blomfield, 29
Editor of Whitelines, chooser of photos.
1.
Rider: David Bertshinger.
Photographer: Dominic ‘Howzee’ Zimmerman
Location: Unknown
MARCUS: I’d be pretty scared of airing over that since the photographer’s gone to all that trouble to make those letters.
MORAN: What else could you spell with those letters?
LEIGH: Poo Tissue. (silence).
MORAN: Well, I think that sets the comedy levels for the evening…
VERITY: That’s a proper European shot.
MORAN: To me that’s a cover of Pleasure – that German snowboard mag.
TOM: Give it to them! All that effort making those letters out of snow!
2.
Rider: Eric Jackson
Photographer: Scott Serfas.
Location: Whistler, Canada
HAMISH: I don’t mean to be cynical, but that shot is twisted.
VERITY: Oh yeah! I hate it when they do that.
MARCUS: If it was that steep he’d be landing about 14 miles down the hill.
MORAN: Look at the snowball tracks beneath the kicker. They should be falling in a vertical line. Ed – are you sure it’s not supposed to be a landscape shot?
HAMISH: Now that is cheating, that really is cheating.
BLOMFIELD: It’s still a good shot though.
HAMISH: Yeah but fuck that, it really is cheating.
VERITY: I’m with you – cheat, cheat, cheat…
LEIGH: That’s called ‘Dutch Tilt’. When the photographer tilts the camera to make it look steeper than it is.
3.
Rider: Unknown
Photographer: Basti Gogl
Location: Greenland
TOM: Ah that’s nice. That’s a nice shot.
VERITY: Yeah, but he’s gone down the boring bit. It’s like he’s ridden along and looked over and gone, “Oh no, that’s too big, that’s too steep, let me check the next one. Oh no that’s no good either…”
BLOMFIELD: What line would you take then Johno?
VERITY: You see the chute? One, two, three to the left? I’d be off there.
MORAN: The thing is, you look at that shot and you think, “Who’s that shot for?” I really like it, but it’s not a hardcore shot.
SPARROW: He should have done something more epic.
BLOMFIELD: Yeah but it’s just a nice, ‘I wish I was there’ shot.
MORAN: Sparrow when you look at that do you think “I wish I was riding some powder”?
SPARROW: Yeah. You look at that and think, “Oh that’d be cool.” But not in the shadey bit, that’s all grime. You’d want to be in the sun, just keeping the tan topped up.
4.
Rider: Brynild Vulin.
Photographer: Matt Georges
Location: Alpe di Siusi, Italy
HAMISH: That’s a stratus cloud formation.
MARCUS: Wow, that’s a steep kicker.
LEIGH: The thing is I’m always in awe of sunset shots, because the reality is that it’s really cold up the hill at that time. You’ve got to wait around, the kicker will be icy, and that flash will have totally blinded him as he’s spinning. What do you reckon it is?
TOM: Switch backside 5.
VERITY: A frontside 90
Rider: Unknown
Photographer: Basti Gogl
Location: Unknown
TOM: Oh that’s nice. That’s a nice cab 5.
VERITY: I really like that.
BUTTERFIELD: It’s quite hard to get those shots to look right when you put those together. There’s a lot of bodies compressed so you need to have gaps to see what’s going on. You can tell it’s a long way down cos that’s a lot of frames where he’s hanging in the air.
BLOMFIELD: Sequence discussion – do they belong in mags or are still shots more ‘worthy’?
VERITY: I love looking at sequences.
LEIGH: The take off on that is beautiful, he knows he’s got enough time to float that around, and you wouldn’t get that from a single shot.
MORAN: If you look, he’s in the light all the way until he lets go of the grab. Then he falls into the shadow. Beautiful.
6.
Rider: Florent Marrot
Photographer: Julien Petry
Location: Geneva
MARCUS: That’s a classic set up.
HAMISH: The grills are amazing.
SPARROW: Look at the light. So good.
TOM: I don’t like the fact that you can’t see his nose. If that thing in the middle wasn’t there it’d be a nicer shot.
LEIGH: Under the stairs looks like a cityscape.
HAMISH: I like the colours in it. The blues, the oranges. It’s got a real contemporary feel.
BLOMFIELD: Hamish you’ve turned into Alan Yentob.
MORAN: I think the shot would be better if there weren’t other people.
SPARROW: Yeah, definitely. But they probably pushed him into the rail.
HAMISH: That body position never gets old does it? The classic frontside boardslide.
7.
Rider: Johno Verity.
Photographer: Dan Milner.
Location: Chamonix.
MORAN: It looks like he’s done a rag doll after landing that cornice.
BLOMFIELD: Johno – did you rag doll it down there?
VERITY: Er, no. He hasn’t done a rag doll but he did skit over some rocks just there.
TOM: Is it you?
VERITY: Yeah, that was me trying to recover from hitting a load of unsuspected rocks.
MORAN: Why didn’t you hit that ridge-line and drop the cliff?
VERITY: It looks like that’s possible but it’s not. There’s a little gulley just after. And there was no speed for the cornice.
MARCUS: You couldn’t be bothered could you? That’s just a lazy powder turn! (everyone laughs).
LEIGH: Nah, I’ll give it to you. Ten years of pro riding and you’ve got a good powder turn on you.
MARCUS: I never did a good powder turn for Milner. He always shouted at me.
MORAN: Did that rock grab your board and scrape an Anchor Butter strip of p-tex off your board?
VERITY: Ha ha! No not really. And I didn’t rag doll it.
LEIGH: Do you want to make a quick reference to say you’ve got an apartment to rent in Chamonix?
VERITY: Yes – they can call me or email me at [email protected]
MORAN: BT internet… High roller!!
8.
Rider: Bode Merrill
Photographer: Adam Clark
Location: Mica Heli, BC, Canada
HAMISH: Waaaaaah! (doing drunk lad impression). Wahaaaay, the lads! Cunters, wankers, drinking, snowboarding, yeaaaaah! Yeah, do it past the sauna Gav! Do it past the sauna! Yeah Mickey, get the facking shot in, yeaaaaaaah!
9.
Rider: Pat McCarthy
Photographer: Geoff Andruik
Location: Whistler, Canada
LEIGH: That’s an old-school Scalp-type of shot. That could be Chris Moran or Stu Brass from ’96.
VERITY: With Stu’s knees spread pretty wide.
MORAN: It could be Stu just turning around from a 360 to see how flat the landing is – after Scalp’s talked him into dropping it. “Yes Stu, it ees steep no problems. Go as fast as you can.” Stu would never look over the edge of the cliff and just rely on Scalp telling him it had a good landing. Then he’d fly off it and realise he’d been duped and go, “fooking hell! It’s flat as fook” as he was dropping 40 feet.
10.
Rider: Stevie Bell.
Photographer: Cole Barash.
Location: Whistler, Canada
HAMISH: That kicker there is the kind when you come down and you hardly notice the landing.
MORAN: Unless you rag doll 40 times!!
LEIGH: I reckon you’d know. You’d be doing about 80 mph.
VERITY: I don’t know if I agree either Hamish. I reckon you’d know about it big time.
BLOMFIELD: I think it’s good, I think it captures how big these Mack Dawg jumps actually are.
LEIGH: Look at that face. It’s what, about 50 degrees? And you’re cutting away on it so the chances of it all going in a huge avalanche are pretty high.
(Johno Verity tells a story about how the entire Adidas team nearly died in a similar circumstance a few years ago).
11.
Rider: Gary Greenshields
Photographer: Cyril Mueller
Location: Austria
LEIGH: Look at that, a Scottish person putting on some suncream. I bet he’s putting on such a minimal amount too.
MARCUS: It looks like deep heat.
LEIGH: No it’s not, it’s Irn Bru! He’s putting Irn Bru on his face.
12.
Rider: Wolle Nyvelt
Photographer: Jeff Patterson
Location: Mt Baker, USA
VERITY: Is he doing a frontside three with his back foot out or is it a front foot out?
LEIGH: He’s goofy. He’s definitely goofy.
BLOMFIELD: That is front foot out.
(Big discussion on how he’s going to land, then about noboarding, then about whether landing on that tree stump arse-first would kill you…)
TOM: I don’t know why you’d ride front foot out. I don’t’ see why if you’ve got two bindings take one out.
SPARROW: And he’s grabbing tailfish too.
MORAN: I’ll give him that though, if he’s ballsy enough to go front foot out over that sharp thing. It’s a no-comply isn’t it?
13.
Rider: Reto Kestenholz
Photographer: David Birri
Location: Grimsel, Switzerland
LEIGH: That looks like the ice hotel.
HAMISH: Look at that. They are pillars!
MORAN: Yeah that shot needs more of an explanation. There’s more going on there. I mean, where is it?
BLOMFIELD: Is it a Doric pillar?
LEIGH: Nah, Baroque.
MORAN: I would look at that and think it’s not really snowboarding, it’s more of a skating shot that they’ve re-created. They’ve built a street environment on the mountain.
HAMISH: Technically it’s hard.
VERITY: Is it? Is it hard to get 6-foot up a wall? And he’s wearing sunglasses! Fuck off! Fuck off… next shot…
14.
Rider: Eddie Wall
Photographer: Cole Barash
Location: Squaw Valley, California
BLOMFIELD: He’s injured, and he’s getting heli’d out of there.
HAMISH: He’s injured? I thought he was getting led by a copper. Like he’d broken some sort of mountain law. “Come on sonny, we’ve got you on a lewd conduct charge, put your cock away now, this is the second time this week, get in the chopper.”
BLOMFIELD: Look at the guy filming him with a big smile on his face.
LEIGH: He’s like, “Dude the guy is fucked. This is awesome.”
15.
Rider: Scotty Lago.
Photographer: Geoff Andruik
Location: Nomad Range, BC, Canada
TOM: Is that a chairlift?
VERITY: No that’s a pulley, that’s an Absinthe film shoot. Just look at how much effort they’ve gone to sort out that one shot. I mean, just to film something on the mountain is a pain, but to take up a pulley, to set up a wire and to make it all happen for one shot – that’s an incredible amount of effort.
LEIGH: It’s a great example of how much pressure there is on both riders and filmers.
MORAN: I don’t think it’s a good shot, but it’s a great insight into how much goes into making a film. It’s a peak behind the curtain.
16.
Rider: Preben Loktu.
Photographer: Daniel Tengs
Location: Billingstad, Norway
BLOMFIELD: It’s a bit skateboardy, but it’s a cool shot.
MARCUS: Have you seen the amount of snow on the landing? It’s about a snowball’s worth.
SPARROW: The landing is out of shot isn’t it?
VERITY: Whatever you think of the shot, he’s gone to the trouble of framing it and signing it, so it’s good by me.
MORAN: (laughs) Yeah. He’s proud of that one. I mean he’s taken the shot, put it in a nice frame and thought, “Hmm, it’s still missing something… I know, my signature.”
17.
Rider: Unknown
Photographer: Basti Gogl
Location: Greenland
VERITY: That’s a rock to fakie.
LEIGH: In all fairness, that looks like a fridge to me. There’s no curve on that transition. But it’s definitely the background that’s making that shot. You know what caught my eye? Those rocks there, they’re the exact colour of the shits you do when you’re really nervous. Just after easter when you’ve eaten too much chocolate.
SPARROW: He should have done a handplant. That would have been way better.
18.
Rider: Unknown
Photographer: Grant Gunderson
Location: Mt Baker, USA
SPARROW: What’s he doing?
LEIGH: He’s shitting his pants.
MARCUS: He’s going “Ooooooohhh shit.”
VERITY: I think that’s just a sluff.
MORAN: Yeah but look at this crack here (points to directly underneath the rider) – he’s heading into trouble there.
LEIGH: Whatever happens, he’s in the air and he’s heading towards a situation which could aptly be described as ‘an avalanche’. Not good. Once he hits that boiler plate ice where all the snow has slid off then he’s going to be in deep shit.
MORAN: What do you reckon is coming out of his mouth? Is it “Wheeeeeeee!!” or is it “Shiiiiiiiiiiit!!”?
LEIGH: Hands up for shit? (Everyone but Johno puts their hands up).
VERITY: Yeah but look at how deep it is. I reckon that’s about 6 inches deep.
MARCUS: I reckon his mate’s in it already. I reckon he sent his fat mate down first, and then when it’s gone, he’s legged it down there going “Fucking hell, it went on him!”
19.
Rider: Chris Kröll
Photographer: Marcel Lämmerhirt
Location: Sonnenkopf, Austria
LEIGH: That looks like what that New Forest Lapland theme park should have.
VERITY: If he’s making a feature of holding a flash when he’s airing off that cliff then he should have done one of those hand-down methods. I don’t like that style.
(Big discussions on which type of method is best).
LEIGH: What I think we can all agree on here is that there’s so much effort has gone into this shot, but if he’d had different clothes, or done something different off that cliff, the shot would have been better, but it’s still a decent shot.
TOM: Yeah.
HAMISH: A flair would have been good in that shot.
LEIGH: I tell you what that shot is – it’s got all the right ingredients for a pavlova, and it looks like a pavlova, but there’s something not quite right – it hasn’t risen.
20.
Rider: Kevin Pearce.
Photographer: Adam Moran
Location: US Open.
(Huge discussion on whether Shaun White should have taken Kevin Pearce’s TTR title this year. The upshot being that it was all a bit of a mess…)
HAMISH: The thing is, this is nobodies fault, but ultimately it’s snowboarding that is missing out. We’ve had our pants pulled down, and the whole TTR as being the way through to the Olympics has probably been sidelined. It’s such a shame.
MORAN: For the purposes of tonight’s captioning, that’s a great story, but it’s way too long for this. Ed you should do a full piece on this, especially if Swatch as title sponsors had to pay out double the prizemoney for what is really an administrative error.
BLOMFIELD: Do you remember Pop Swatches? (conversation veers off on one…. )
MORAN: NEXT!!
21.
Rider: Nicolas Müller.
Photographer: Cyril Mueller
Location: Unknown
LEIGH: To me this is the snowboarding equivalent of Maverick and Goose. That’s a snowboarding fighter pilot under full afterburner.
MORAN: NEXT!!
22.
Rider: Tobi Strauss.
Photographer: Lorenz Holder
Location: Haise Park, Germany
LEIGH: Compared to the light show that opened the Palms in Dubai that’s probably not as impressive as they thought it would be. It’s a long exposure with a rider carrying a sparkler isn’t it? It’d have been much better if he’d written ‘wanker’ while he was riding along.
MORAN: That’s another shot where they’ve gone to extraordinary lengths to set the shot up, and it definitely works, but all your eye is drawn towards is that traffic cone, and because of that you think – “fucking students.”
LEIGH: No, it’s the exact opposite. This crew are definitely German, and they’ve put the traffic cone there to stop cars from parking. It’s basically a safety measure. They’ve probably got the fire brigade on standby too. “Ve vill be doing something dangerous later…”
23.
Rider: Bjorn Leines.
Photographer: Cole Barash
Location: Alaska
LEIGH: I think he’s one of the more cynical riders, and I find that shot quite contradictory.
VERITY: You hate him because he shouted at you.
LEIGH: Yes.
VERITY: “Hey asshole, get out of the pipe!!”
LEIGH: He’s one of the best riders I’ve ever seen in the flesh but to get him out of his own country is an absolute mission.
BLOMFIELD: That’s probably why he’s so proud of the fact he’s so far from home.
VERITY: That’s quite some mobile home.
LEIGH: He’s got the Beverly Hillbilly’s mobile home towing a pick-up, which has a sled on the back. Talk about carbon footprint.
VERITY: I bet he loves Bush.
24.
Photographer: Blotto
Location: Alaska
LEIGH: Now that is a good lines shot.
HAMISH: Everyone’s out there – mum, dad, kids, grandma.
LEIGH: All I can see down there is a whole lot of whooping.
SPARROW: Yeah!
(quickly degenerates into a discussion about whether they’re ski or snowboard tracks… With no definitive conclusion).
MORAN: Most of those are ski lines. Look at the rhythm! Look at the tracks and how they’ve followed each other doing turns. Snowboarders don’t do that. They’re ski lines. All of them I reckon.
BLOMFIELD: NEXT!!
25.
Rider: Alex Schmaltz.
Photographer: Marcel Lämmerhirt
Location: Treble Cone, NZ
SPARROW: I like that shot. That’s really nice colours.
TOM: Is that snow coming off his board, or a cloud? It’s the exact same colours.
(Big chat about how adding snow onto the board increased your chances of doing catalogue shoots).
LEIGH: I was doing a catalogue shoot once and one guy said to me, “Don’t grab your board, it scrumples the clothes up.”
26.
Rider: Nico Droz.
Photographer: Vanessa Andrieux
Location: Chatel, Switzerland.
TOM: I don’t like that, it’s too basic. It would work as a trick tip, but not as a stand out.
MORAN: Look at the wooden thing he’s doing it off. That’s mountain biking North Shore isn’t it?
BLOMFIELD: I like it. It’s not the biggest sequence, it’s not that tech, but I wish I could do front threes like that. He makes it look so easy.
27.
Photographer: Matt Georges.
Location: Unknown
MORAN: I’m going to say that that’s in the car park of the Grandes Montets in Cham.
(Big chat about the latest Renault campaign, and how bad it is to admit that most people never want a Renault).
BLOMFIELD: It reminds me of that joke where the guy turns up in Liverpool with a BMW, and some scouse kids come up to him while he’s parking and say, “Mind your car mister? Mind your car mister? Only £5.”
“Nah it’s alright he says, I’ve got a big dog in the back.”
“Oh yeah?” they say, “puts out fires does he?”
28.
Rider: Terje Haakonsen.
Photographer: Cyril Mueller
Location: Arctic Challenge, Norway
MORAN: Is that Terje?
BLOMFIELD: It is, but how could you tell that? Just from him standing there!
MORAN: Well it looks like it’s a big comp, and who else has angles like that on his board? His shoulders are pointing straight like he’s riding one of those skiwals.
HAMISH: And also, it has to be someone iconic.
LEIGH: And he’s wearing an Arctic Challenge bib.
MORAN: You know, at the ski show years ago there was a guy called PV who was helping to build the kicker, and he did a shit in the run-in, and after about two days it started to appear, and it left a massive skid mark on the kicker. And the skiers who did that rapid-fire thing, they spread that shit pretty quick.
(Discussion commences about weirdest place to do a poo).
MARCUS: I did a shit into a sock once.
(everyone collapses with laughter… )
29.
Rider: Daniel Moesl.
Photographer: Marcel Lämmerhirt
Location: Dachstein, Austria
All: NEXT!!!
30.
Rider: Scott Penner
Photographer: Jenna Low
Location: Kooteny, BC, Canada
(Intense debate starts on whether noboarding has a place in modern snowboarding, with most people agreeing that it’s better than snowskating, but not something they would like to do long term).
SPARROW: The thing is, you’ve got two bindings on your board, why would you want to take them off?
31.
Rider: Noboarder.
Photographer: Gary ‘Tuttle’ Hall
Location: Bralorne, BC, Canada
(Arguments still carrying on from the last shot about noboarding, with lots of chat about Johan Olofsson, difficult lines, and whether this shot would be best ridden on a noboard or a regular snowboard).
SPARROW: I just don’t understand why you would want to take your feet out of your bindings.
32.
Rider: Tobi Strauss
Photographer: Creager – (putting board in van)
Location:
33.
Rider: Peter Line.
Photographer: Cole Barash
Location: Whistler, Canada
MARCUS: Look at the size of that run in!! It must have taken them a week to make that thing. It’s like the M1.
HAMISH: It shows just how much work goes into filming. It’s like that shot before with the cableway and the guy going off the cliff. It’s just so much work to make a snowboard film.
BLOMFIELD: Has everyone seen That’s It, That’s All?
(Big discussion about the merits of the film and the amount of money involved, and whether a better film can ever be made that doesn’t cost millions…)
TOM: It’d be cool to hit that jump though…
34.
Photographer: Natalie Mayer
Location: Breckenridge
HAMISH: That’s a sad shot right there.
VERITY: I don’t like that. I mean, it’s cool that he’s gone skiing, but it’s a depressing picture. It’s not uplifting at all.
BLOMFIELD: Am I the only one that finds it funny?
35.
Rider: Jaques Alakka
Photographer: Lorenz Holder
Location: Zugspitz, Germany
LEIGH: The Vitelli Turn! Man that was the one thing I wanted to do more than anything on a snowboard. I’m not sure I’d want to do it there though, that looks pretty icy.
VERITY: If that is a proper Vitelli turn, then they’re going to smack the photographer.
(Discussion continues as to whether they made contact… )
36.
Rider: Josh Wolf
Photographer: Andrew Hingston
Location: Avoriaz, France
HAMISH: I like the look of that kicker, but I think there are too many shots in that sequence.
BUTTERFIELD: Yeah you can’t work out what’s going on. It’s a bit cluttered. Kind of cool but I think it could have lost one shot in every three or something.
37.
Rider: Josh Wolf
Photographer: Andrew Hingston
Location: Avoriaz, France
MARCUS: Wolfie!! Look at that beard. He’s just been ragdolling down something. Probably thinking about soup while he was at it.
38.
Rider: Nic Sauve
Photographer: Cole Barash
Location: Calgary, Canada
VERITY: Someone has properly fucked themselves there. That looks nasty.
MARCUS: There aren’t many people going to his aid though. They’re just filming.
HAMISH: You know when you’re on the ground and you just don’t want to be touched? You’re just like, “Leave me alone, I’ll be OK in a few minutes, just don’t move me.”
39.
Rider: Douds Charlet
Photographer: Laurent Falbo.
Location: Chamonix
MORAN: Look at how crisp that shot is. It has to be France.
SPARROW: Another one-foot shot.
TOM: Yeah it’s like everyone’s going mad for it. They want to skateboard.
(Big discussion starts on whether Douds has jumped off the metal of the barrier or whether he’s clearing the barrier from the kicker just visible on the horizon).
TOM: I think it’s some sort of no-comply again. He’s touched that metal on the way through I reckon.
40.
Three riders in the pipe
Rider:
Photographer:
Location:
41.
Rider: Jake Blauvelt.
Photographer: Oli Gagnon
Location: Whistler, Canada
LEIGH: The last thing you want when you’ve just stuffed a $10,000 sled is to have some one come up to you and say, “How did that happen”? and shove a camera in your face.
42. & 43.
Rider: JP Walker.
Photographer: Andy Wright
Location: Salt Lake City, USA
MORAN: I’ve met JP and I didn’t think much of him.
HAMISH: Yeah I remember that. I thought he was alright
(Big chat ensues about whether JP Walker is cool or not).
MORAN: The thing is, we were in a hotel in Japan, and there was a big crew of riders including JP and his cronies, and they were just trashing the place, which was just so out of order ‘cos there were all these Japanese people following them around and clearing up and they were totally being dicks to people who are so polite, so generous and who just didn’t understand. I thought – how could you do that? It’s not even rock and roll, ‘cos it’s like trashing a nursery or something. It was just sad.
VERITY: Well that aside, you can’t say that he’s not a good rider. He’s definitely pushed snowboarding.
LEIGH: Look at that rail! Look at that rail! That’s such a cheese grater right there. That could literally tear you in two. He’s an incredible rider.
(Another long discussion on whether he’s good, bad, mis-understood, or a genius… No major conclusions drawn, other than it wouldn’t be good to come off that fence and land knees first on the sharp metal.)
LEIGH: It’s that donkey’s cock thing at the end that I’d be most scared of. Imagine making it all the way along and then absolutely getting it on that thing?
44.
Rider: Roger Schule
Photographer: Dominic ‘Howzee’ Zimmerman
Location: Hoch y Brig, Switzerland
MORAN: That shot looks like it’s too orangey for crows.
BLOMFIELD: Chris there are probably about four readers who’d get that joke. And I’m one of them. “Just for me and my dawg.”
MARCUS: That looks like some ultimate Swiss safety-first jump. “Zere must be safety!!”
45.
Rider: Chris Grenier
Photographer: Aaron Dodds
Location: Massachusetts, USA
ALL: Wahaaaaay!
VERITY: You see there’s real dedication there. You’ve got to take all your kit off and put your snowboard boots back on. Good work.
TOM: Wouldn’t that hurt? Wouldn’t the edges be sticking in?
MARCUS: I reckon if it’s cold he’s probably just stuck his bell end to his edge there.
LEIGH: I’m going to absolutely guarantee that if you took that snowboard away, he would be classed as what Roger Mellie’s Profanasourus calls: a ‘Rantallion’.
TOM: What’s a Rantallion?
LEIGH: Someone who’s shot pouch is longer than their fowling piece.
47. & 48.
Rider: Stefan Maurer
Photographer: Marcel Lämmerhirt
Location: Livigno, Italy
BLOMFIELD: Hang on a sec, there are two angles for this picture.
VERITY: Wow that second angle is absolutely waaaaaay better as a picture.
LEIGH: And that unanimously proves that the best shot we’ve seen today by miles is a massive superman backflip!
VERITY: Backflips are the best feeling trick in the world.
HAMISH: If only it’d been a frontside three indy…. It would have been a much better shot.
SPARROW: Yeah!
VERITY: Nah – that shot to me says, “Wheeeeeeeee!!”
LEIGH: If the ‘best shot’ is the one where the person in it seems to be having the most fun, this is it.
HAMISH: He cannot be having fun.
VERITY: Are you serious? Backflips feel amazing!
HAMISH: Look at that though. It’s a perfect park, perfect kicker, perfect light – and he’s done a fricking backflip. It’s a joke.
SPARROW: You can see he’s just chilling – upside down.
TOM: Yeah it’s like a trampoline backflip – he’s all sideways.
MORAN: Right – a question for the nippers – straight yes or no. Would you want to be him right there?
TOM: Yeah!
SPARROW: Definitely.
49.
Riders: Danny Wheeler and Ryan Davis.
Photographer: Natalie Mayer
Location: Unknown
(Laughter all round).
HAMISH: It’s the helmet that makes that shot. “Hey R2 – make me a cup of tea.”
MORAN: It looks like some sort of honeymoon. Look at the wreath.
HAMISH: Why are they in bed together? Look at his wrist guard.
BLOMFIELD: And Danny’s bed head. They’ve clearly just woken up together.
MORAN: That shot poses more questions than it answers.
BUTTERFIELD: Games Master – I’m stuck on level four.
MARCUS: And check out the little tense on Davis’s six pack for the camera.
50.
Rider: Eric Jackson
Photographer: Scott Serfas
Location: Tahoe, USA
MORAN: That’s a really cool shot.
VERITY: Where is he landing?
TOM: So what’s he doing?
(Long discussion on what he’s doing, where he’s going, and where he’s taken off from, the gist of which is that Chris Moran doesn’t know a classic backside 180 when he sees one)
MORAN: That’s a back 3, he’s a goofy rider.
HAMISH: Fucking hell. Geeeet out.
51.
Rider: Nicolas Muller.
Photographer: Geoff Andruik
Location: Kooteney, Canada
BLOMFIELD: Nicolas is Mr Eco isn’t he? It’s the eco shot.
HAMISH: Look at him: he’s the epitomy of cool. He’s got his thermos – you can’t even see his thermos. He’s just hanging out for the next dump.
LEIGH: No, he’s been busted getting his tackle out by the lake and he’s pulled a thermos out to try and hide the fact.
HAMISH: Müller is the fucking shit. That’s who you want to be right? You’re in the elements.
LEIGH: Yeah but I prefer to be the Nicolas Müller from the other shot. If it’s a choice between a powder turn and wanking into a lake then I’ll take the powder turn every day.
52.
Rider: Eero Ettala.
Photographer: Pasi Salminen
Location: Bear Mountain, USA
LEIGH: There’s no two ways about it – that is fucking sick.
SPARROW: That’s full on.
TOM: It’s not like they built it so he could do that either. He’s just invented it on the spot.
(Big discussion as to what the mound is and what it was originally built for.)
VERITY: I’m really impressed with that. Eero Ettala: I think he’s one of the best riders in the world at the moment, I really do.
MORAN: One of the shots of the night?
LEIGH: Yeah it’s got it all. It’s the right angle, a great outfit, it’s an incredible trick and there’s a load of creativity. That’s snowboarding jazz right there.
(Long chat about the house in the background and how it looks like it’s from Dirty Dancing).
MORAN: Maybe Eero Ettala sauntered into a town where they weren’t allowed any jibbing and he introduced it to the locals in the same way that Kevin Bacon introduced dancing in Footloose?
LEIGH: Nah you’re mixing your films. Dirty Dancing is about the rough diamonds from the wrong end of town getting… (long discussion on the two films).
MORAN: Fuck you.
BLOMFIELD: NEXT!!!
53.
Rider: Wille Yli Luoma.
Photographer: Andy Wright
Location: Valdez, Alaska
LEIGH: It’s a pretty classic Alaska shot – flutes, seracs, cliffs, sluff… and a rider doing about mach 20.
MORAN: There’s a lot of stuff missing in that shot for me. The perspective isn’t quite right, it’s been taken from the helicopter.
LEIGH: You can’t quite tell that he’s maching it on a steep slope? You can! He’s totally composed, there’s not a doubt in my mind that he stomps the shit out of that cliff then boots it over that serac beating his hands on his chest and shouting “I’m the fucking man and I just nailed it.”
54.
Rider: Tyler Chorlton.
Photographer: Vanessa Andrieux
Location: Unknown
TOM: What? Woah? How’s he doing that?
MORAN: Sparrow, is that the same place you did the handplants this summer? On that log?
SPARROW: I’m not sure, it looks a little smaller.
LEIGH: It looks like the Burton stash park or something.
HAMISH: NEXT!!!
55.
Rider: Eero Ettala
Photographer: Pasi Salminen
Location: Unknown
TOM: That’s like a wallride to rodeo off.
LEIGH: That’s amazing.
MARCUS: It’s a really cool looking building. Bloody hell, Ettala: two nil. Unbelievable.
HAMISH: How do you do a heelside rodeo off a wall?
MORAN: how do you do a heelside rodeo off the side of a kicker in a park having ollied into it?
HAMISH: He’s amazing. He’s built a niche for himself in how he can create weird tricks from nothing.
BLOMFIELD: That looks like first hit too, ‘cos there’s only one track going into it.
TOM: No it isn’t because I’ve seen the trailer for that film and in the intro you see him hit it twice – that’s the second time.
(Big discussion on how amazing Eero Ettala is).
LEIGH: He could be the noughties Jamie Lynn.
56.
Rider: Sylvain Bourbousson.
Photographer: Matt Georges.
Location: Unknown
LEIGH: That looks like Gumby!! Way too much speed and not a hope in hell of landing it. That person doesn’t actually look like they’re in that much control.
TOM: Yeah his body position looks a little off. Like he’s leaning back a little.
HAMISH: The composition’s really good. It’s nice how it’s done in two sections. Have they submitted it like that in medium format?
BLOMFIELD: Yeah.
LEIGH: Is he landing in that little pocket there? You know what this is Ed: this is the classic where the photographer takes a sequence and sends different stills to magazines around the world, and depending on how good you are determines which part of the sequence you get.
BLOMFIELD: Ha ha! What does that say about our mag?!
LEIGH: Yeah you’ve been dissed here Ed. You want to get on the phone and give this guy some grief. He had the grab in the next two frames.
MARCUS: Yeah but you got the little off-cut at the end though to make up for it!
57.
Rider: Marc Andre Tarte.
Photographer: Marcel Lämmerhirt
Location: Wanaka, NZ
LEIGH: Wow, that’s like night and day, it’s like two different pictures.
HAMISH: It looks like New Zealand. The mud is good.
TOM: I dunno, mud and snowboarding – they just don’t go well together.
MORAN: That’s a pretty weird photo.
LEIGH: It would have been better if he was naked and there was a girl in there and they were just about to start wrestling…
BLOMFIELD: NEXT!!!!
58.
Rider: Unknown
Photographer: Unknown
Location: Alaska
59.
Photographer: Eric Bergeri.
Location: Alaska
(Huge discussion about whether shots like this should be in snowboarding magazines as lifestyle fillers)
HAMISH: I’m not saying anything other than it’s a nice petrol pump, it’d look great in Wallpaper or one of those magazines, but it’s just not snowboarding. It’s a lovely petrol pump, I’m not saying it’s a bad petrol pump, but it’s not snowboarding…
Rider: Mikey LeBlanc.
Photographer: Andy Wright
Location: Utah, USA
HAMISH: No way! That’s a home-made board. That’s a sledge! A proper Father Christmas sledge. And he’s a proper Elf, in a green jacket! That is brilliant.
TOM: Is that a proper board?
LEIGH: It’s got bindings on it but yeah, it is a home-made board.
BLOMFIELD: I look at that picture and I think it’s the answer to all those questions about what board people should ride. If you’ve got talent and balls you can ride a fucking sledge off a cliff!
61.
Rider: Heikki Sorsa.
Photographer: Blotto.
Location: Air & Style, Munich
BLOMFIELD: That’s from the Air & Style. It’s been cancelled this year so the question is: will it be missed?
MARCUS: It’s a shame – there’s always some of the most amazing riding every year.
LEIGH: I believe it’s been responsible for unveiling some of snowboarding’s most amazing tricks, and it without questions delivers some of the biggest riders and best competition every year. I’ll miss it.
SPARROW: It scares the shit out of you thinking you can fall down so far if you don’t make that gap.
LEIGH: It’s not normal snowboarding, but it’s a great way of getting more people into the sport.
62.
Rider: Mario Käppeli.
Photographer: Dominic ‘Howzee’ Zimmerman
Location: Hoch Y Brig, Switzerland
TOM: I like it. The colours are amazing. It’s a cool shot. Great colours.
63.
Rider: Group shot with Danny Kass.
Photographer: Cole Barash
Location: Switzerland
BLOMFIELD: Here’s Danny Kass and his crew.
HAMISH: Smoking up the tweed. Being all dope.
MORAN: This looks a bit like that Almost Famous film. Which I thought was brilliant. It has that vibe, but I reckon I’d prefer to be in the 70s with that crew.
MARCUS: Singing ‘Tiny Dancer’.
MORAN: Well I mean, Danny Kass looks like an interesting character, but if you took him out of the shot it wouldn’t look nearly so rock n roll.
64.
Rider: Julien Cave.
Photographer: Matt Georges.
Location: Meribel, France
VERITY: No way! That looks exactly like that cliff me and you did Chris! The one in Meribel.
MARCUS: Yeah the one over the trees. But that shot’s got tilt on.
SPARROW: Look at the landing – it’s so tilted.
MORAN: If that photographer isn’t a Dutchman who’s name is Struden Von Tiltencamera then I…
LEIGH: Look at the dutch tilt.
BLOMFIELD: That’s not too bad is it?
VERITY: Right, look at those trees – trees grow upwards and that tree there is heading off at about 60 degrees.
LEIGH: Ignore that though, it’s a backside 180 and he’s got a lovely hang on his hands there, he’s just floating down with his legs sucked up. Beautiful.
SPARROW: Oh yeah. I love doing those.
LEIGH: The easiest way to ruin a backside 180 is to put your legs down too early and do a pencil dive into the floor. Euuuuuurgh. Waiting for it.
65.
Rider: Shayne Pospisil
Photographer: Cole Barash
Location: Mammoth, USA
(Everyone instantly exclaims it to be a brilliant shot)
MARCUS: Ah, but that’s such a Transworld shot. I’ve seen them a million times.
MORAN: That is a wicked shot.
VERITY: I like that.
LEIGH: It could be so many tricks. It could be a japan fakie, a tweaked out McTwist. OK, there’s one question that needs to be answered – can Danny Davis beat Shaun White?
(Long discussion ensues about Danny Davis being in the shadow of Shaun and the search for a sporting comparison, even though the shot isn’t Danny Davis at all – we totally messed up!)
LEIGH: If Shaun is George Best then Davis is Eusebio, who, incidentally, lost his virginity to a chicken when he was 12…
TOM: Shaun hasn’t got any style anyway.
LEIGH: Nooooooo… you CANNOT say that. (Another long discussion about whether Shaun has style, whether he’s a good skater or not, and whether vert skating has a future.)
MORAN: Anyway back to this shot. To me, this is the second best shot of the night.
HAMISH: And there is no better trick to do in the pipe than an air to fakie. I think that shot should be a cover.
66.
Rider: Aaron Ward
Photographer: Will Wissman
Location: Mt. Olympus, Salt Lake City, USA.
BLOMFIELD: This is a mountain above Salt Lake City that’s really hard to access. The photographer told me he went up in a microlight to get this shot.
LEIGH: Ah! This shot really smells a bit of opportunism to me. It looks like there’s not an awful lot of snow and they’ve only done it because it’s been staring at them for months and they’re like “We’ve got to do it, we’ve got to do it.”
BLOMFIELD: I like that kind of thing.
VERITY: (mocking the derogatory tone the slideshow audience has been increasingly adopting) Ed, it’s shit! Just deal with it. It’s shit, snowboarding is shit, that photo is shit. Everything is shit. (Note – everyone was about 5 beers in by now, and openly shouting rubbish).
67.
Photographer: Matt Georges
Location: Kaprun, Austria
VERITY: Wow, that shot has been seriously Dutch-ied! (everyone laughs).
TOM: Way too much dutching.
MORAN: Right, next year Ed you’ve got to change the name of the magazine to ‘Spirit Level’ and every shot has got to have a spirit level in it to show which way is right. Because I tell you what Ed – that shot is DEFINITELY not level!
LEIGH: I tell you what, that shot would polarise snowboarders because that shot is either heaven or hell.
MORAN: I look at that and see there’s a couple of jumps I’d like to hit.
MARCUS: Yeah, that line there to the far left.
MORAN: Yup, that’s the one I was looking at. One run straight through that, down to the café, and then a latte reminiscing about how fucking gnarly the park was.
68.
Rider: Laura Hadar
Photographer: Cole Barash
Location: Russia
(General murmers of approval).
VERITY: Wow that is good. I like that. That is really funny.
MARCUS: That poster guy’s got the weirdest nipples I’ve ever seen. He’s done that thing where you tense your pecks and your tits go all pointy like Snoopy’s nose.
LEIGH: I tell you what, that reminds me of a joke: ‘What’s the difference between marmalade and jam? You can’t marmalade your cock in a girl’s arse.’
(silence)
VERITY: It would have been way better if she’d pulled her pants down a bit.
(funny and long discussion about how Johno has gone too far…)
TOM: You might as well watch a porno!
LEIGH: His expression with the sunglasses is incredible.
69.
Rider: Michi Zirngibl
Photographer: Lorenz Holder
Location: Cologne, Germany
VERITY: That looks like he’s shagging the wall.
MORAN: To me, of all the set-up shots, that’s the best one so far.
BLOMFIELD: Check out the ghekos.
TOM: I like that. It’s really good.
LEIGH: Thing is, that’s the first one where the art overtakes the actual snowboarding. Your eye is drawn to the statues on the building rather than to him.
MARCUS: That’s a bit too Guardian to me. I can imagine seeing that on the cover of G2 or something.
(Long discussion on whether set-up shots are good or not, and whether focussing on things outside of the riding work).
TOM: Yeah but if you find that location then it’s worth doing, because the riding is good and it’s a cool shot.
70.
Rider: Nicolas Muller
Photographer: Oli Gagnon.
Location: Alaska
VERITY: I like that, that’s such a fun thing to do.
BUTTERFIELD: I love that shot. It’s just stupidness, but styled out so well with all the jedi movements going on.
LEIGH: He’s maching there – that’s a good ten metres on the nose. You need speed to do that.
VERITY: Is he wearing mitts?? That just ruins the shot if he’s wearing mitts. It’s a really nice shot, great style, lovely snow, and he’s wearing mitts!
MORAN: Bloody hell, we are a cynical lot. (lots of laughter about how we’ve slated most of the shots tonight).
VERITY: Yeah it’s a great shot. But he’s wearing mitts.
(Another long discussion on whether mitts are any good…)
71.
Rider: Sylvain Bourbousson.
Photographer: Matt Georges
Location: Unknown
BLOMFIELD: And this is the last shot.
LEIGH: Wow – get in.
MARCUS: That looks fun.
VERITY: That looks like he’s gone “Wahoo! Wahoo! Wahoo! Euurgh.”
BUTTERFIELD: That’s one of those things where you’re flying along and all of a sudden the ground just disappears and the next thing you know you’ve completely stacked it.
LEIGH: I’m going to let myself believe that he did a lovely method off that top bump. Let’s just say that for argument’s sake he did that. For the next 40 metres he was Terje! And then that last bump has caught him out.
BLOMFIELD: Isn’t that what’s great about snowboarding? You can tank it along and get massive air and then if you fall on your arse you can brush yourself off and everything’s OK. You can’t do that on a skateboard. Hit ten stairs on a skateboard and stack it and you’re not walking away looking for the next set to hit.
LEIGH: That, for so many reasons, is why snowboarding is the rich man’s skateboarding.
MORAN: Let’s wrap this up then – what’s the best shot of the evening?
BLOMFIELD: Eero’s rodeo.
BUTTERFIELD: The sequence going down through the trees.
LEIGH: The Mammoth pipe shot.
HAMISH: I’m a big fan of the cage shot.
(Long discussion continues as to which one worked best…)
MORAN: How about we settle on Eero’s shot being the best?
HAMISH: Then the Japan fakie.
MARCUS: Then the Scalp-looking shot of the cliff near the beginning.
