You are being a dick if you are boasting

You will find that most people adopt one of two strategies when talking about their children’s exploits:

A) Boast Really Blatantly

“Jonny is amazing.  He picked up switch within three hours, and was boardsliding a ten stair rail just moments after he came out of my wife’s fanny.  He takes after me.”

B)  Boast Subtly

“Well, we weren’t really pushing him into it, but Jonny really loves snowboarding.”
“Oh, how sweet, little kids look so cute on snowboards”
“Yes, Brad Keenan dropped us a line a couple of weeks back after he saw a clip on Vimeo. He and Jonny may spend a bit of time together this summer, but it’s nothing major.”
“That will be nice”
“Yes.  We just want him to be happy.”
“He looks a bit sad at the moment though…”
“I know, poor little cherub, he is still teething.”

Irrespective of whether you adopt the “we rule” attitude to communicating your offspring’s successes, or the more prevalent “we rule, but I want you to work it out for yourself based on a series of well-placed hints”, you are being a dick if you are boasting.

You may not be spouting off about little Jonny’s grasp of Mandarin, prodigious talent on the viola or his match-winning century in the Lords Taverner’s cricket tournament – but you are every bit as bad as the next Desperate Competitive Housewife if you are trying to make yourself look good by talking about how brilliant your child is. Stop doing it, it annoys people.