For a sport that is all about innovating, pushing the boundaries and moving forward, snowboarding gets its fair share of new inventions every year. Many are truly ingenious, witness the rise of multiple breeds of camber, new binding systems and better backcountry technology that we've seen over the past few years and compare that to say, football. Leading the charge!
However, such a big industry does dump quite a lot at the other end of the scale; here's our pick of what the internet, and maybe your local shop, has to offer.
The Snowboard Pole
You're riding across that flat bit of piste on your way back home when suddenly a marmotte scurries out from the trees, catching your gaze. Unlucky for you, you also catch your edge, flinging you on your face and leaving you stranded in scootching territory.
Lucky for you however, you've had your 'Big Stick' in your hand the whole time, which can grow at will and let you punt to the safety of the downhill again. Never leave the hotel without it...
The Yibb Snowboard Zimmerframe
Honestly, we were stuck for words when we saw this little number. As far as we can tell it essentially a cross between a snow bike (shudder) and the sort of contraption that helps old people go to the bathroom, but for snowboarding.
If using your legs to learn ollies is really too much of a stretch, then this really is the snowboarding purchase you need to make this winter.
However, if you want to bypass your legs altogether and instead use your spine as a shock absorber, plus be completely unable to get on to a chairlift, this handy accessory will do the trick for you. Introducing the KneeFlyer, a (failed) Kickstarter campaign, that if successful would have populated the snowboard world with half-sized companions. Like life size Chuck Buddies you would have been able to hurl your friend at the park jump of your choosing and simply let physics decide where they may end up.
In all seriousness, this could have had amazing potential as an adaptive technology, like a less tech version of Signal's Wheelchair Snowboard. But why anyone would choose to ride with their face at crotch height is beyond us...
So, Kickstarter appears to be a gold mine for this kind of thing; now get a load of this offering from LIGHT BOHRD (maybe the deliberate mis-spelling is clue that the brothers Helgason are behind this?).
Some say that style speaks for itself on the hill, but no, apparently the newer, better way to be noticed is to mold giant lights into the base of your board. We'd suggest coupling this with a nice fashion air so that your adoring fans will get to experience the full effect of your new shred stick.
The Beat Maker
OK, one last Kickstarter campaign, but good news! This one is still active, and possibly the most ingenious on this list. Its kind of like the episode of Family Guy where Peter gets his own orchestral score to his life; if you ever wanted a personalised soundtrack to your riding this is the gadget for you.
By clipping it to your board and connecting your phone, the Jalapeno Beat Maker for action sports will convert your on-slope movements into real time music! Even 'dropping it like its hot' when you land off of a kicker.
So if 199USD sounds like a bargain for an epic shred tune every time you go riding, follow the link above, check out the vid and get funding; at the time of writing they only need 45,738 more dollars!
The Snowboard Leash
Not really a new invention, more like a naff classic. Anyone who's ever suffered the mis-fortune of not being able to hold onto a snowboard on top of the mountain/outside a bar could definitely do with investing in one of these. Plus when you forget to unclip whilst propping it up against a ski rack you're sure to cause all your friends some merriment as you walk away and cause the whole lot to topple over.
This is the product that launched Airblaster into the snowboarding world; so uncool its cool?
The humble wax scraper, helping boards get faster since, well, forever. What could be cringe-worthy about this I hear you ask? No the product itself, but we at Whitelines HQ feel its high time, without naming names, to call out certain brands for marketing slabs of acrylic with words printed on at extortionate prices. Honestly, we've seen scrapers sold as high as £15, get it together industry...
It may be a tad controversial given their popularity these days, but probably one of the more ridiculous snowboard accessories of the moment is the beloved GoPro helmet mount. Scores of Tellytubby-esque riders now stream through every resort, faithfully documenting every bump and crash in super slo-mo and full HD.
Attaching the camera to your head also enables the secret 'charity mode', where just one mistimed chairlift bar will send your GoPro flying into the snow, waiting for some lucky seasonaire to snap it up for their next park rat edit.
A close contender was the equally stylish GoPro bra, fetchingly modeled below:
The Beard Hat
Eric Jackson eat your heart out; actually we're wondering why he hasn't been offered a pro model yet. For those that long to be the man of the mountain, but don't have quite enough testosterone to get started on a decent mug rug.
These even come in a variety of colours to suit your own hair type, but instead let us suggest you just grow one instead...
Snowboard Carry Strap
For those that find the simple act of carrying a snowboard too much to handle. Honestly, its not hard, and having difficulty with carrying your gear is the traditional realm of skiers. Instead, just use your own hands and look on as they swat each other's hats off in a big cartoon cloud of skis and poles.
You Piste Your Pants!
However, we have definitely saved the best of the worst until last. Bask and wonder in the hideous glory of these bad boys.
Never get lost on the hill again, simply just 'drop trow' and hope that your own skiddies haven't interfered with your route home. And don't worry, this is safe for work, just point out that that is in fact a nose just popping into sight there, nothing more sinister...
Can you beat any of these? Drop us a link if you feel there are any more useless/crap/hideous snowboard accessories we've missed out.