Hold up! The new season is upon us and our first offender has been spotted by an plain-clothed officer in Sölden, Austria. We’re sickened to find that this horror is still roaming the slopes today. Fritz is his name and blinding people is his game.
Like the Gorgon Medusa, one flash of his neon yellow shoulder pads burns the eyeballs of his victims. Just look at the bloke on the left. Moments ago he was casually sipping his weissbeer. Now he’s a sightless cripple, destined for a life begging on the streets like that kid in Slumdog. Unfortunately for his companion on the right, it’s also too late.
Someone catch this fella before he blights everyone in Austria with a terrible, visual impairment. Or at the very least, subject him to 60 hours of Mark McMorris’ new reality TV show. Water torture’s got nothing on that.
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