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I AM: Jackson Holy Testicle Tuesday

Written by: John Makens
Photos: Jesse Brown

One warm November week accompanied with some rain, has left us with a perfect recipe for some unstable conditions and big slides in Jackson Hole. One death inbounds and a buried restaurant building, has resulted in some skeptical terrain. If you put a gun to my head, I wouldn’t go into the backcountry. So in our passing hours, we have been finding other options to slide the sticks around on.

A 3-foot dump around Christmas made for some huge snow banks in Town. Mikey Mahron, Will, Jesse Brown and I, spent a couple hours of shaping a quarter pipe, during this time the police and security stopped by to see what we were up to. Jesse actually didn’t lift a finger, he told me to call him when it was finished because he was on level 9 of Assassin’s Creed. We convinced the cop that we were just riding down the snow bank and would be extra careful, so she took off. The security guard, on the other hand, wasn’t having it and told us to leave at once. At that moment, he got another call and told us Merry Christmas, we had 20 minutes, and we’d better be gone when he came back. So in a frantic panic to actually get to ride this thing we spent a few hours shaping at midnight on a Sunday night. We hooked up the rope to the truck and started flooring fishtails into this thing across an icy parking lot. The Cop staked out to watch and came blazing in with the lights on to put an end to the party. After running all our ID’s and making sure we’re not rapists or paedophiles she let us go. Not quite Ingemar Backman height, but still mad fun.

Another night, I got a call from Kyle Clancy with some talk about a backyard aspen tree jammer. So, Jesse and I rolled out to Clancy’s house out in bum-fuck Alpine. To my surprise Greg Wheeler, Sammy Luebke, Zach Leach, and Kevin Jones are there. Talk about a fun Session. Johnny Cash was cranking on the truck stereo as the truck lights lit our landing. We all showed each other our moves, and squeezed each others butt cheeks when something fresh went down. Luebke was taking it all the way to the top, which was very impressive.

Much of our time has been spent at the I AM warehouse, or AKA garage. Travis Rice so kindly gave me his old pool table in exchange for painting a door that will be going in his new sauna room. Some great games have gone down here in the past couple month’s, not to mention a sloppy New Year’s Fiesta, which was a bad idea and will never happen again. With the snow conditions the way they are, it makes for an excellent leisurely past time. This is where some I AM prody gets shipped and egos have been inflated and shattered once that eight ball sinks.

It is still puking gorilla piss outside and the nothing has opened at the resort. You are welcome to go wait in line from eight in the morning till 1 in the afternoon in hopes that they might open. Instead, we waited it out and went for a night shred sesh at the King. Night riding powder with a giant posse and the town’s lights for a backdrop is pretty epic. Like a long snake, we followed each other launching off cat tracks, wall hits, and laying down slashes in every nook and cranny. Who would of thought the King was so much freaking fun.

So when the upper mountain finally opened, everyone was too scared to go out the gates, and for good reason. But what happened was everything in bounds got bored-out like a group sex orgy. A few days of sun and Minus 20 degree weather and beaten slopes, called for some quality couch time. Soon after we got hit with an inverted snowstorm, which was fun but strange and slabby. We rallied early tram to the top only to wait and chew on nuetella and jelly waffles in Corbett’s Cabin. After a couple hours of waiting for the mountain to clear and open, we got sent back down the tram because ski patrol was still clearing routes. After getting heckled by the public tram passengers that were buzzed from tall boys and still waiting in line. We said Fuck-it, took Guch’s lead and hiked up to Sweet Water lift to avoid waiting in a massive Teewinot lift line. Three luscious laps on Sweet Water and the rest of the Mountain started to slowly open. Luckily we stepped into the Gondi line right as they started opening it. We managed to squeeze 9 people in, and everyone pulled out a doobie. When the doors opened at the top, it was like cheech and chong as the smoke came barreling out with 9 people fumbling and laughing hysterically after. We were ahead of the crowd getting freshies all day.

With the variables at hand, sketchy snow pack in all, we have been having a super fun mini-shred season thus far. Hopefully things tidy up so some real gnarr can be had.

If you went to The Players Ball Last year, then you know that the sickest party of the year is about to happen. Jan 17th the Jackson Hole Snowboarder Magazine will be throwing a must see event. The Beatnuts, Nacirema, Mikey Thunder, Cut La Whut, and more will be hitting the stages of Snow King Resort. Steal your moms car, buy a plane ticket on your boyfriends credit card, do whatever you have to do. Just be here on that night!

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