Published in Whitelines Magazine Issue 93, December 2010
SPONSORS: Head Snowboards, Grenade, Sno!zone, Freeze Pro shop
Hey there people, I’m a mighty morphing power ranger and I’d like to welcome you to this sausage fest where I’ll snuggle up to you dance the spicy McHaggis jig and tell you everything you ever wanted to know about my psychic nipples (and quite a lot you didn’t!). When I was young I was happy enough doing it all night long for a wee while, but soon it became obvious that what I really wanted to do in life was grow a handle bar moustache . And I realised there really is nothing quite like an Irn Bruenema . Even though I’m mostly pre y lame , some things really piss me off , especially people who laugh at their own jokes or like Dappy from N-Dubz . My dream day would involve a good guitar solo first thing in the morning, before heading out to Middle Earth with the crimson ghost and then having a load of Liger kebabs to finish things off . By the way, did anyone ever tell you what a special boy I am?
QUICKFIRE (choose one):
Back lip or windlip? Back lip
Rooster tail or street rail? Street rail
Dryslope or dome? Dryslope
Celtic or Rangers? Celtic
Battered mars bar or battered with your mates? Battered with my mates
Nico Müller or Nick Visconti? Nick Visconti
High five or handshake? My wife a dead? HIGHFIVE!
SHAG, KILL, MARRY?
Jennifer Aniston: Marry
Jennifer Love Hewitt: Shag
Jennifer Lopez: Kill
My Mum and Dad, my wee bros Matt n’ Chris, my wee sis Louise, all my sponsors, Pete, Mitch, Lewis, Dougal, Marc and all my other riding buddies, the park team at Braehead, me Uncle Gavin, The Legion Boys, the crew from Bearsden and anyone else who wants one.