I'll keep it short this week because god knows there's a damn lot of work to do to keep you lot in check. Luckily, there's a few desperate souls out there that mark the spot for us to pounce on. This ignorant suspect thinks that holding her poles up to 'mark the spot' is wise. For you dear, it's not. And don't try any of that ski pole semaphore! We know that what you're spelling is "I'm a massive tool and I should've learnt from other people that I look bloody stupid!"

Stop it. Just stop it. We could go for a non fashion police state but I fear that innocent people will die...

Photo: Dave Stothert