[splitpost intro="true"]

Vladimir Putin riding a bear

In breaking news, Russia have announced that none other than Vladimir Putin himself will be taking part in most of the events scheduled for Sochi 2014. Unfortunately this will exclude bear-back-riding, always a favourite with the president, but thankfully we’ll be spared the sight of Vlad-The-Lad taking part in the more namby pamby sports such as curling and ice dancing; even he’s not as big a hypocrite to take part in sports effectively out-lawed by his anti gay and lesbian laws.

No, instead he will be showcasing Russian testosterone at its finest to the world, once again proving Russia’s all time dominance over the universe. Or alternatively, here’s some pictures of a bald guy ‘doing’ sport. Enjoy.

[part title="Skiing"]

putin-skiing

After seeing Transform Gloves' new Sochi mittens, Putin rather took the ‘snowboarding is gay’ message rather too literally so instead has taken up skiing. Specifically Super G, read Superman G.

[part title="Ice Hockey"]

When he shoots he won't want to miss the nyet

Ice hockey will be one of the more popular sports on show to the Sochi home crowd, so this is an essential event for the pres. The official press release under team simply reads ‘PUTIN, Vladimir’ so we can only assume he’ll not only be captain but taking on the States and Canada single handedly. Should be a Vlady great show.

[part title="Bobsled"]

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Since skeleton and luge were deemed ‘too slow,’ instead Putin opted for the four-man bobsled event. Rather than just sitting as one of the pusher/passengers, in this photo we can clearly see him eyeing up the controls; the current driver must be Krem-bling in his boots.

[part title="Ski Jump"]

'Just Putin it out there, I'm not stoked on this jump.'

As much as we’d like to see it, Putin won’t be ski flying at the games as the jumps were quite clearly built too small for is style. You can see the disappointment in his eyes here.

[part title="Swimming"]

Putin, freezing his Bolsheviks off...

Not technically an Olympic event but so-ve-it, ice swimming is actually Vlad’s warm up for an easy 60km biathlon course. Notice the use of butterly here, easily the manliest of all swim strokes.

[part title="Snow Mobile"]

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Snow mobile long jump was easily our favourite event at the recent X Games in Aspen and Putin is fighting hard to have it included in Sochi, all we can hope is that Tommy Thompson will make the trip over from the States to join in the fun.

[part title="Bear Hunting"]

If it's dead, Soviet.

We couldn’t find the shot taken immediately after this, but we’re pretty sure it’s of Putin holding his arms out saying ‘you should have seen the one that got away.’ What a badass.

[part title="Husky Sledding"]

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In a rare (ahem) camp moment between Arctic expeditions we can see Putin here enjoying some down time with some puppys. If people say he has a tendency to schnapp, this must be his way of dealing with stress.