Sochi 2014 is OVER for the freestyle snowboarding (does anyone else hate the word 'freestyle?'), but after our maniacal week of watching every single run - over 500 by a rough count - team Whitelines is now facing withdrawal symptoms.
So, what about the next Olympics? How could they be improved? Here's a (super serious) run down of what we'd like to see in Pyeongchang 2018.
[part title="Henrik Harlaut allowed to compete in snowboard slopestyle"]
A skier on Whitelines?! Let the the keyboard bashing commence.
But in all seriousness, the Swedish slopestyle skier Henrik Harlaut not only put on a show of some of the most progressive and stylish snow-sliding we've ever seen but did so whilst displaying true snowboarding characteristics.
With the wildest hair on display at the winter Olympics since Heikki Sorsa, E-Dollo as he's know whipped down the Sochi course in a frenzied style that echoed that of the mohawked Scandi from 2002. He rocked the biggest smile of the games, had a specially made outfit so he could make a tit out of himself and only stopped grinning and skiing to bark at the camera, declare we're all 'one family with one love' and remind the Olympic audience that 'Wu Tang is for the children.
Seriously, you can't get more 'snowboarding' than that. We're not saying he should put down his skis, just that we'd like him to come party with us in Pyeongchang 2018. [part title="An Olympic 'Best Method' Contest"]
We were worried that with FIS scrapping the rule requiring one straight air that the stuntditch contest might get one step closer to the dystopian-gymnastic huck-fest we all dread. Not so. Not only did Shaun White kick off all his runs with HUGE backside airs but the treasured method made some amazing appearances, not least by Iouri Podladchikov and Sarka Pancochova. But the winner of the unofficial Whitelines best method has to be Aussie upstart Kent Callister, just look at his back-scratching effort below, complete with a Jamie Lynn base-graphic too. Future cover star?
[part title="Ed Leigh and Tim Warwood to present the curling"]
Pfft... Nationally treasured every four years or not, it is immeasurably dull. Call it what you will - cold bowling or ice darts - it is essentially 24 hour coverage of boring people clapping at boring 'athletes' shouting at rocks.
It evidently needs a boost, so instead of 'curling another one out' in Pyeongchang how about the BBC listen to the people and give them what they want; Tim Warwood and Ed Leigh screaming out inappropriate metaphors at the hot rock-on-rock action. You know it makes sense. [part title="Todd Richards to Beam Thoughts Directly to TV"] Ex-Olympian Todd Richards gave out the second best commentary of Sochi 2014 via his twitter feed with gems like:
"I sentence you to downhill" that would scare troubled youth straight. — toddrichards (@btoddrichards) February 9, 2014
I love seeing mainstream media attempt to describe a "holy Crail" to the masses. Sometimes I think it will be better to call it a "thingy". — toddrichards (@btoddrichards) February 9, 2014
Well my job is done here. Now trending: #machinegunofawesomeness
— toddrichards (@btoddrichards) February 13, 2014
We're shocked he managed to get any actual commentary done at all after spending so much time glued to his phone.
What we propose for the next games is to provide every sports channel on earth with a scrolling news-style live ticker with the content beamed directly from his mind. Surely technology will have progressed to that point by then? That'll give his fingers a rest at least...
[part title="Dual Snowboards"]
No, not the lame plate on a foot snowboarding rip off, but actual dual-snowboarding based on the success (?) of the dual-luge event.
C'mon, tandem slopestyle? It'll be like the mixed doubles at Wimbledon, finally men and women will be able to compete on an even playing field!
[part title="Snowboard Moguls"]
After the successes of Nordic combined (cross country and ski jumping?) and biathlon (cross country and guns!) we feel it's time for snowboarding to become a cross-over event; what better sport to pair it with than moguls?
It's how Nicolas Muller got so good after all, and it has the added bonus of snowboarding getting some fart-noise videos in four years time. And Johan Olofsson could even come out of retirement for it!
What additions would you like to see added to the Olympics in four years time? Let us know below.