Abandoned in a ski school by parents who over-estimated its ability on skis, therefore condemning it to a week of falling over and getting deserted by its French classmates, the snotty ski school kid is alone and lost in resort, lapping the chair in sullen misery and refusing to get off. Don't attempt to comfort - it'll end either with you getting bitten or arrested for child abduction.

If sharing a chair expect to hear: Heart-rendering sobs that petter out into snotty chokes mid-ride, before crescendoing into panicked screams as they realise they're about to have to ski off at the top of the lift.


There's the guys who work their arses of all year round to be able to get away for one or two weeks a year for their shred fix and we respect them, so much. There's also the guys that spend all year slacking off in order to get away from their families, stumble into each other in tiny, sweaty nightclubs, piss themselves and unsuccessfully try to hit on the chalet maid for 'a bit of fanny.' Subscribers to ski cunt magazine basically - avoid at all costs.

If sharing a chair expect to hear: Guffawing at their still-pissed mate who got left behind on the last run and proud tales of exactly where the alpha male took a shit on the way back from the bar.


She'll either be panicking, frantically tearing at a ragged piste map trying to figure out a way back down that avoids anything steeper than a blue run, or manically celebrating the fact that she's managed to palm her kids off on a passing father/family friend/pisteur. Either way, she's keen for a vin chaud.

If sharing a chair expect to hear: "Excuse me! Can you tell me if this run is too steep?"


Who'd have thought that donning a ballerina skirt/sodden animal onesie/morph suit/mankini in January was a bad idea? I mean, it's fun, right? Bit of a laugh, shame about the snowstorm. And frostbite.

If sharing a chair expect to hear: Not much past shivering and moaning, maybe a inquiry as to where you got that nice looking jacket.


He won't want to talk to you, but even if you could catch sight of him the cloud of weed smoke and fug of old gloves you'd find him bitter and down over how popular his adopted 'home' resort has become, no matter how much better the lift system has become due to all that lift pass money. Snarky, but a thankfully rare sighting over the Christmas and half term holidays.

If sharing a chair expect to hear: (In a home counties accent) "It was so much better here before it got cool."


Do your best to avoid, it's just too awkward...

If sharing a chair expect to hear: Stony silence and the feeling of someone's eyes drilling into the side of your head.