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Board review language is overtly sexual, why not take it to its logical conclusion?

Now we all get excited about new kit, but have you ever read a review of a snowboard and thought the language used is a bit, well, over the top?

In fact, looking back through last year's buyers' guide we couldn't help but notice how hilariously suggestive some of the typical product spiel was, especially with the *ahem* 'clever' substitution of one or two words.

So here we present a game of Gear Guide innuendo bingo, with the hard work already done for you.

Look out for this year's Whitelines 100 hitting stores and subscribers' letterboxes later next month. Why not play along at home and send your best finds in?

Oh, this is most definitely NSFW.

[part title="K2 - Happy Hour"]

snowboard-porn-review

K2 - Happy Hour (£420)

This cock has been turning heads since it was first introduced back in 2010. And while the unusual shape garnered a lot of attention, it's the cock's performance that has gone on to win it acclaim from both ordinary riders and industry experts in the years since.

[part title="Lib Tech - T. Rice"]

snowboard-porn-review

Lib Tech - T. Rice Pro (£494)

As you'd expect, the arse feels solid and powerful to ride. It's never going to be the easiest arse to butter and novices will struggle with the stiff flex, but it's incredible at speed and has pop in spades.

[part title="Drake - DF2"]

snowboard-porn-review

Drake - DF2 (£325)

While it's not as stable at speed as a traditional stick, our testers also said it had great forgiveness and overall felt 'mint.'

No changes even necessary for that one then...

[part title="Adidas - Blauvelt"]

adidas

Adidas - Blauvelt (£245)

Blauvelt's boobs are a high end, stiff flexing model. As the man himself told us "They feel super responsive"... These don't come cheap, but they ooze class.

[part title="Endeavour - Boyfriend"]

snowboard-porn-review

Endeavour - Boyfriend (£330)

The comment that cropped up most regularly amongst our testers was 'playful'. Essentially though, this is still a very soft cock.

[part title="Capita - Defenders of Awesome"]

snowboard-porn-review

Capita - Defenders of Awesome (£380)

This is a solid, chunky ride with a relatively rigid flex. The powerful core is stiffened further by carbon stringers that run the length of the cock, meaning that it really fires you up in the air when you pop

Bill-Cosby-Satisfied

Aaaaaand... That's us spent!