According to The Guinness Book of World Records, there are only ten official entries concerning snowboarding. That’s hardly surprising - a record-breaking culture doesn’t really exist in snowboarding. But it does raise an interesting prospect: could this be the easiest way of sharing stage time with Norris McWhirter you’re ever going to have (even if he has been dead for 7-years)?
Altogether now: ‘If you wanna be the best/And you wanna beat the rest/Dedication’s what you need...’
World Speed Record
Current official record: Thirteen years ago Australian Darren Powell hit 125 mph on Les Arcs’ flying kilometre.
What you’ll need to do to beat it: A skin-tight Lycra suit, masses of protection and a fearless ability to straightline anything, anywhere. There is a reason the record has held for so long: it’s proper fast.
Achievability rating: 3/10 - you ever looked down a flying K?
How harebrained is it? 8/10. Don’t catch your edge.
World’s Longest Jump
Current record: Mads Jonsson stomped a sweet frontside-three over a 57-metre Hemsedal gap jump back in 2005.
What you’ll need to do to beat it: Lots of speed, a good take-off and a team of crack kicker builders. Mads’ natural talent would also help too.
Achievability rating: 1/10 - let's face it, that's a proper big jump.
How harebrained is it? 7/10 if you land, 10/10 if you crash and burn.
Most Vertical Feet Snowboarded in 24 hours
Current official record: In 1998, American Tammy McMinn, rode 93,124 metres in Atlin, Canada, all in one day.
What you’ll need to do to beat it: In TB5 Johan Olofsson did 1000-metres in 35 seconds down an Alaskan face. Given the heli trip back up would take 10 minutes max, we reckon you could fit in 5000 vertical metres an hour, and bag the record in just over 18 and a half hours.
Achievability rating: 9/10 (if you’ve got £50,000 to blow on 24-hour heli hire)
How harebrained is it? 10/10 - you’ll be straightlining in the dark.
World’s Highest Jump
Current official record: The great Norwegian Terje Haakonson flew 9.8-metres over the Arctic Challenge quarter pipe coping in Olso in 2007.
What you’ll need to do to beat it: An enormous, purpose-built quarter pipe, a run-in longer than a football field, perfect conditions, and the best board control in history.
Achievability rating: 1/10 - lets face facts here, there’s only one Tezza.
How harebrained is it: 10/10 but God loves a trier!
Longest Grind on a Rail
Current official record: No, not JP, LNP or even C3P0. Instead, this achievable sounding 66.9-metres ride was claimed by Spaniard Alejandro Benito in 2009, at the Madrid SnowZone.
What you will need to do to beat it: A lengthy rail and the balance of a ring-tailed lima. But this one could be open to any talented jibber with some staying power.
Achievability rating: 10/10 - we reckon this one is ON.
How harebrained is it? 1/10 - if you wear arse padding.
Most Participants in a Race
Current official record: According to the great book, the record is a mere 88 people in Mount Hutt, New Zealand, for an event organized by Rock FM in 2007.
What you’ll need to do to beat it: 90 willing race participants, a hastily organised event and, to complete the look, sponsorship from a shady reggae pirate broadcaster from London (if you really want to rub their noses in it).
Achievability rating: 9/10 - Post something on Facebook and book the nearest Dome and you’re a record beater.
How harebrained is it? 1/10 - there’s a strong chance you could actually pull it off.
World’s Longest Ridden Snowboard
Current unofficial record: Butch Brady and Eric Sweet set this record by shredding their 9.7 metre tandem beast.
What you’ll need to do to beat it: In addition to porn star names, one can assume that Butch and Mr Sweet knew their way around some powertools. But if you’ve got a tree no-one is going to miss, and a friend who can hold a tape measure, why not give this record a go?
Achievability rating: 8/10 - as long as you’ve got a 10-metre plus garage.
How harebrained is it? 1/10. Even the idea of tandem snowboarding sounds fun.