Things I Will Reply...
Things I Will Reply...
Driver (On the phone) “Oh hi there it’s your transfer driver here, I was just wondering how you’re getting on?”
i.e. Where the fuck are you?!
Customer (On the phone) – “Yes I’m just on my way, sorry for the delay, I’ll be right there.”
TRANSLATION:
It’s not my fault the airport staff are lazy and underpaid, I’ve been waiting here for my board bag for the last 45 minutes, all the while surrounded by billboard posters advertising Swiss time pieces emphasising just how late I am. I know I’m going to be late, there is jack all I can do about it, and I’ve had to stand here waiting for my bag as skiers from flights later than mine swan up and pull their bags off the carousel.
Driver – “Would you like me to help you with your bags?”
i.e. If I don’t carry your bag this is gonna take us three hours…
Customer – “No that’s fine thank you”
TRANSLATION:
It’s heavy, I don’t know you and I don’t trust you, if you can’t carry my bag because it’s heavy and hurt yourself I’m covered for some stupid legal crap that you look like you might try and pull.
Driver – “If you’d like to drop your bags at the back of the bus you can get in and make yourselves comfortable whilst I load them in.”
i.e. PLEASE, for the love of fuck don’t try to load your bags in my van.
Customer – “Ok, Thanks”
TRANSLATION:
I was only just going to let you know about that bottle of jaeger in my bag… don’t worry about it as it smashes to pieces at the bottom of your Tetris inspired packing, you’ve made that chalet based après ski disappear, so now I’m going to have to ask about bars in the area and we all know what you are going to say to that.
Driver – “If anybody feels unwell during the journey, then please let me know in plenty of time so I can pull over. I have receptacles if you need them.”
i.e. I’m worried you’re so hungover you’re about to hurl
Customer – “Ok no worries dude!”
TRANSLATION:
I’m not hung-over, I’m hungry and thirsty, I didn’t have time to get anything because I was late at the airport and you didn’t look like you’d let me grab something, and you sure as hell aren’t going to stop on the way. Although it certainly looks like this van could do with a lick of paint.
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