Earlier this week our poor intern Alex's morning commute was rudely interrupted when she turned the pages of London's shite-est free paper to find this article...
It's bad enough that a young man pissing in the snow should be worthy of reporting anywhere (let along in the pages of a nationally distributed newspaper!) but what makes it doubly depressing is the fact that he was apparently snowboarding when he did it.
We're not for a second claiming that snowboarding is super-cool or anything, but honestly, we thought it was better than Bieber!
Yep, snowboarding. Honestly, we're impressed poor Alex mustered the resolve not to just give up on life and hurl herself under the train there and then at the news... It certainly induced paroxysms of self-doubt and paranoia in us when she showed us later in the office.
I mean seriously? We're not for a second claiming that snowboarding is super-cool or anything, but honestly, we thought it was better than Bieber!
When we'd recovered enough to stop questioning our life choices, we started exploring the story further, and found that apparently this isn't even the first time Bieber has been on a board. As YoBeat reported, only earlier this month he was trying to persuade someone to rent a whole mountain to him - just for himself you see - on New Year's day.
And then we found this - an Instagram video he'd posted (of himself obviously!) - presumably thinking it would make him look like a "radical dude".
Once we'd finished chuckling (and marvelling at his suspiciously hesh choice of skinny pants and a narrow stance - are you Nick Visconti in disguise?) it got us thinking: Which other "celebrities" (or sub-lebrities) have tried snowboarding in the (sadly mistaken) belief that it was "cool?" Or would make them look cool?
Here are a few we came up with...
Seal! Not quite 'Fly(ing) Like An Eagle' here, but at least attempting the standard 'naff POV of the pistes' holiday-action-cam beloved by so many.
Little know fact, this isn't Seal's first outing on a snowboard. In fact he was Onboard Magazine's first ever cover star! For real; check this beauty out:
Chris & Liam Hemsworth
Channeling his Norse snowboarding power from his role as Thor, Chris Hemsworth and his little bro Luke (Hunger Games star, I think?) get some riding tips here from none other than Sammy Luebke! We're sure he was 'hammering. out some runs in no time, hur hur...
You know when you go up the mountain and you stumble across someone out on their first holiday completely under-dressed for the experience? Well now imagine if that someone was Pamela Anderson.
Fair play though, you gotta be pretty gnarly to tackle a box for the first time without knee pads. Or trousers...
Our legitimate favourite out of this list, the Natural Born Killers star also looks the most confident on a board, if only just. We're sure with a bit of practice in the park he could disprove the notion behind White Men Can't Jump...
Elsa Pataky getting a little Fast & Furious here. Well more like mellow & happy. She looks like he's having fun here... though that Japanese schoolgirl selfie pose is pretty questionable
Despite being an ex of Shaun White, Bar Refaeli is showing some surprising style on the slopes here, not even trying to grab anywhere near her boots...
Honestly though, so I know they're supposed to be split up now but how did he...
...ever manage to hook up with her?!?
Oh yeah wait, he's worth about 20 million dollars...
Finally (just in case you thought we hated everyone and everything) we're actually pretty stoked to see this one; he may not be the steeziest looking shredder - he's rocking the latest in 'Dad on a snowboard holiday' stylings, complete with impractical lunch bag and extra gloves.
But while he may not be the steeziest looking dude on a board, anything that increases the amount of future shredders can only be a good thing right?! And anyway, he's Brad fucking Pitt, I'm sure he couldn't give a flying fuck whether he looks steezy or not. Good on ya dude. We can only hope to see the lil' guy hitting up the X Games course ten years down the line.