Butcher, Baker - Ed Gunn Cambridge graduate

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Being a sponsored snowboarder doesn’t necessarily mean you’re earning mega-bucks like Shaun White - just ask any of the British ‘pro’ riders who scrape by season after season. ‘Real life’, ‘proper job’, ‘summer’ - call it what you will, this year we thought we’d ask a few fellow shredders how they pass the long months back in Blighty.

First up, Scottish brainiac Ed Gunn, who’s managed to combine the last 3 years riding, filming and competing with earning a degree from Cambridge University.

Did you get crazy good A Levels to get into Cambridge?

I didn’t even do them - I literally didn’t get one A level (but we had Highers
back in Scotland so I got a few of them. Some As. Mostly As. Actually all
As).

What college were you in? Any famous alumni?

Magdalene college. Heard of Vanessa Feltz? Well, I was at college with her
daughter. Great ass, great tits, great face, great lass. And yes I smashed
her pasty (unconfirmed)!

What position do you play in Quidditch?

I started as a beater but got moved up to Seeker - and I was fucking
amazing in my time! Folk said that I was the best beater-offer in all the
land.

Do they have any weird customs or traditions?

Where do I start? Cambridge was as freaky as midget porn. Do you want some?

What’s the student union like?

Zero. There was no student union building or anything. I am deadly serious.
They didn’t make it easy to get rowdy, hence why we had to import the midget
Porn. THAT was our union.

How cheap is a pint for a Cambridge student?

£2.20. But the new lass at the Pickerell Inn (Lizzie - leggy, long dark
mane, 19 years, we love you) used to spread the liquor love. She got
pregnant recently, so free liquor is all over now.

Any bumming stories you can regale us with?

C.E.N.S.O.R.E.D.

Do you have to warm people’s toilet seats?

The really clever kids (theoretical mathematicians and folk like
astrophysicists and geographers) were basically uni bitches. They would even
wipe your ass - your own ass! Can you believe it?!?

Do you have a butler to bring you your beanfeast and clean your room?

If you were lucky you got some ropey old lass in to clean your room and wipe
your nose and shit like that. If you were luckier you got a nice young
cleaning girl. Our cleaner (Philis, 28-32-28) wouldn’t even go into my room - it was a love hate kinda thing).

I heard you got awarded a Blue for snowboarding? What’s the deal with that?

My mates put me up for it but as snowboarding is not a recognised “blues sport” (rugby, rowing, being gay etc.) a bunch of panelists had to judge if I was eligible. Various European results and magazine coverage persuaded them. Basically it gives you lifetime entry to this ultra ancient and traditional gentlemen’s club called The Hawks Club. You can go there to smoke free cigars, eat crumpet and caviar and do bad things to good Cambridge
girls.

Did you have one-to-one tutorials? How are you supposed to blag your way through that?!

Yeah there were loads of one-on-ones. Loads of umming and ahhing and asking more questions. Or you luck out and get a female tutor and see what happens . . .

Welcome to my crib

Any eccentric dons or legendary stories?

Stephen Hawking - the Cambridge lecturer, Don and keen poker player - was a top
banana and regular down at the Pickerel Inn. At a big dinner last year ‘someone’ put a penny in his glass of wine (this means you down the glass of booze then smash your glass on the table - a ridiculous and intriguing tradition). Said someone was banned from uni and threatened with hanging. There was also a guy we called Skeletron. He looked like a skull. Actually I think he was already dead. That’s pretty sick.

Skeletron?  Are you making this up now?

Mate, Skeletron is a real Don at Emmanuelle college. They have formal dinners four nights a week. I was invited to one by the girls’ drinking society (the Emannuelles) and there are always dons and dignitaries on the top table. He was about 7 feet tall and never said a word. F.R.E.A.K.

Do you hate Oxford? Give us 3 reasons Cambridge is better.

I went there for a start so you know… Oxford rhymes with ‘Poxford’. Ewwww!!
“I’d rather be an otter than at Oxford” - this was a famous song we used to sing. Something like that anyway, I can’t really remember the words.

How did you find time (and money) to snowboard?

I didn’t. Well I went to MK and shredded and ended up hitting on this girl who was actually Chris Chatt’s girl at the time, and then we were buds from there and Chatt said “come and shred the comps with us, I like you style” and I pretty much cleaned up from there.

Are you going to be a geography teacher? And do you get leather elbow patches when you graduate with a BA in Geography?

Well I may teach geography but I’m gonna be in a full leather outfit and have tweed patches on my elbows.

What was the maddest fact you learnt in your Geography studies?

Snow falls from the skies 90% of the time, all the time. And it costs £150 to
hire a midget for a day - for parties, events, gatherings, waiting staff… or
you can fly about google to try and get better rates.

What’s a Saturday night in Cambridge like?

Two crumpets and a round of pasty smashing.

Name 3 different types of erosion.

Mind, body and soul

How are oxbow lakes formed?

I’m sorry, I actually have no idea. I could tell you about candy, midgets,
jelly wrestling and how much cider it takes float a 20 stone man…

C’mon then professor - is the earth doomed? Will we still be snowboarding in 50 years time?

Yes, but I’m not telling you where. It will be the top secret Hungerpain
testing and free rad shred centre.

How much debt do you have?

About twelve knots, seven ounces and fivepence.

What degree did you come out with?

3rd degree burns to my Helmet and a 2-1 in geography. Score!

What’s next?

Capital Rad Shred with the Commadore Raddington Society of Shralpington.